Whataburger. Buda, TX.

Day 12

Our last day in the land of the free, home of the burg. Lou and I shake off the Super Bowl hangovers and pile in for a ride across the border where hamburgers turn into hamburguesas. We had a big state to cover so we promptly forgot the Alamo and stop into the much-hyped Whataburger to see if everything is as good as everyone says it is.

I order the A1 Thick & Hearty burger, I'm starting to suffer fast food fatigue and can't order fries, deciding instead to get a tall water on the side. We grab a seat and waiting for our shtuff. The lady brings our order and hustles back with a tray filled with an assortment of serviettes and sauces. We dive in.

Review

Bun:

It's an okay standard white fast food bun.

Patty:

So, I guess their thing is having large diameter burgers. It has zero flavour, well-done, no char, bland.

Cheese:

A sad slice of processed crap.

Sauce:

It's, as I should have guessed, A1 sauce, it doesn't work well. I don't know what they are trying to do here.

Vegetables:

They've somehow figured out how to make grilled onions with no flavour.

Bacon:

I believe that they forgot to add bacon flavour at the bacon factory, pathetic wimpy bacon.

Other:

This one was really a let down, I was expecting at least an average quality fast-food burger and ended up with something bland and oversized. This does not live up to the hype.

Rating 3.5/10

Counter Cafe. Austin, TX.

Day 11

With a full day in Austin scheduled, we set out exploring the capital of The Lone Star State. Louis and I went through the Monika Sosnowska exhibit at The Contemporary Austin. The artist utilized construction materials as a medium. Roughly cast concrete, 24" steel pipe, hand rails, door knobs, and fence posts were bent, molded, and welded. It was stark, and it was beautiful. 

With Super Bowl festivities to prepare for and having ingested some culture, we needed to see if Texas could measure up in the burger category after having been disappointed through and through by Houston. There is a redditor who is in the midst of doing an NCAA 64-draw style bracket with some buddies putting two burgers up head-to-head every week, his suggestion was Counter Cafe. So, off we went. Louis, having reached maximum cheeseburger saturation chose the breakfast tacos, poor soul. They've only got one choice for burger, The Counter Burger, I order it with bacon.

Review

Bun:

Oh dear god. It's sweet sourdough bun, and it's like a delicious, slightly chewy cloud. It's big and puffy but it yields so nicely. Heaven.

Patty:

It's fresh and juicy. Ordered medium, came medium. Nice light char on outside. Flavourful beef. Incredible.

Cheese:

Sharp cheddar, nicely melted, classic.

Sauce:

It doesn't have any, you know why? Because it doesn't need any, everything is fresh and moist, there isn't a touch of dryness in the bun, the patty is moist but not greasy. This thing doesn't need lubrication, it doesn't need added flavour because every element shines through on it's own. This is coming from a guy who likes a saucy burger.

Vegetables:

Call the police, these sonsofbitches snuck into your grannie's garden and stole her vegetables. Butter lettuce that is so fresh, red onions sliced so thin, and a tomato the likes that has never seen a grocery store shelf. Bravo!

Bacon:

The bacon is smokey and flavourful, just like you would expect in Texas, cooked perfectly, a little crisp, a little chew.

Other:

I'm on the verge of crying writing this thing, for fear that I will never taste it again. If ever, ever, ever in Austin, or Texas, really, do yourself a favour and make the trip. I prostrate myself at the temple of the burger. I am the student, the cheeseburger is the teacher.

Rating 9.8/10 

I'm sure there's a way it could be better, but I'll be damned if I know what it is. Mana from the heavens.

Counter Cafe
1914 E 6th St.
Austin, TX.
http://countercafe.com/

Bernie's Burger Bus. Katy, TX.

Day 10

Somehow waking up before noon we set out across across swamps and bayous for Texas. Louis, still being drunk, surrendered the wheel to me. Wanting to experience what life was like if our forebears had been shipped off to Cajun country instead of staying in Canada, we stopped in Lafayette for a lazy Sunday afternoon. We picked ourselves up three pounds of crayfish and sat down in the local square while the band played "Proud Mary". It seems every way we turned, once we arrived in Tennessee, we were surrounded by live music, Starting to recover from the night before we set out West.

We entered Texas on the day before the Super Bowl and felt that it would be cool to head through Houston. If you have not been through Houston, you won't see much from the freeway, it's kind of a concrete spaghetti pile. Hungover, and running on fumes heading towards our destination. All we could do, as far as exploring was concerned, was park outside of  McDonald's in order to steal wi-fi and locate Houston's entry for the Great American Chee'Burg. (I'll take this moment to recognize McDonald's for its greatest contribution to the search for the best burger, free, unsecured wi-fi).

We settled on Bernie's Burger Bus. The name conjured up images of some greasy bastard, hawking delicious burgs out of the back of a big yellow bus. We ended up in the suburb of Katy, in some posh commercial complex. All their burgers are school themed, I ordered The Principal.

Review

Bun: 

They're working with a brioche, it's a little on the dry and mealy side.

Patty:

Ordered medium, came well done and with zero char. Dry.

Cheese:

It's in there somewhere, I'll be damned if you can taste it, though.

Sauce:

Mayo, mustard, and ketchup. The ketchup is sweet and overpowering, as ketchup tends to do.

Veggies:

Fresh lettuce, some nice, thin, red onions, pickles, and some goddamn delicious roasted tomatoes. Why is there ketchup on this!? They've got roasted tomatoes, succulent, fresh, delicious, and what do they cover it with? Ketchup!!!

Other:

I ordered their brisket poutine. The fries were soggy shite, the cheddar cheese curds were huge and not very good, the gravy was lukewarm. I will admit, the brisket was pretty good.

Rating 5/10 

Pull the ketchup off of this and it's and easy 7, with it on, it smothers all the flavour. Also, Texas, don't mess with poutine.

The Trolley Stop. New Orleans, LA.

Day 9

OK, so if you haven't been to New Orleans, you should probably go. We drove from Tennessee through Muscle Shoals, Alabama, then down through Mississippi until we finally landed in Louisiana.

Good god, you wouldn't believe this place, Friday night, we stopped in at Le Bon Temps Roule around 10 PM, thinking we would stay for a beer or two and continue out along Magazine St.. We ended up in the back room we drank through, I kid you not, 5 sets where prodigious drummers took turns blowing our minds. No cover, cheap beers, and musicians that you would expect to play theaters playing for drunk college kids. I want everyone to take the time and look over Louisiana's liquor regulations:

Louisiana – Sale is not state controlled. There are no restrictions of on or off-premise sale unless municipality decides on-premise sale must stop at 2 A.M. Off-premise sale is allowed in grocery stores and all other licensed stores. These sales can be 24/7 and no municipality can challenge this. In New Orleans you can drink alcohol in plastic cups in public and if allowed by the bar take your drinks from one bar to the next. Many places allow consumption of packaged beverages on the street but it is up to the municipality. Most bars can be entered at 18 though of course you must be 21 to purchase and consume alcohol.

Goddamn paradise...

Around 4 AM when the music stopped, we figured we should probably shuffle home in preparation for leaving for Texas early the next morning. We hurled ourselves into the nearest unsuspecting cab and demanded that he take us for a cheeseburger. He dropped us off at some place called The Trolley Stop, it looked dicey, it looked plain, it looked like we were in for a bland, microwaved meal. The joint is open 24 hours on the weekend and I was served by the friendliest man in the world, Joe, I think... who also happened to be an easy 7 feet tall. We salute you, Joe.

I ordered the eloquently named "cheeseburger" and this is what happened, at least this is what I think happened...

Review

Bun:

Whatever, it's minor, sesame seed bun, came from a bag, pretty boring.

Patty:

What the hell!? This thing is goddamn spectacular, the char is delicious, cooked a perfect medium, this isn't supposed to be good, but dammit, it is.

Cheese:

It's cheddar, it's... (a little foggy to remember)

Sauce:

Mayonnaise, nice, whatever.

Vegetables:

These are fresh, simple, and good. Delicious grilled onions, with lettuce and tomato, nothing spectacular, but homey and nice.

Bacon:

Mmmmmm.... Bacon.

Review 7/10 

Which is completely amazing for a drunken 4:30 AM burger for $7.95. Joe, you are a beauty.

The Trolley Stop

1923 St. Charles, Ave

Louisiana, LA

https://locu.com/places/trolley-stop-cafe-new-orleans-us/#menu

Burger Republic. Nashville, TN.

Day 8

To the city of country music. Louis and I rolled into the land of Jack Daniels and caught a Preds vs. Oilers game. I went to Haymakers and grabbed a fresh new pair of dem raw jawnz as over a week in a pickup driving 10 hours a day can lead to some funk if you knowamsayin.

Strolling through the streets I walked through the the Vanderbilt University campus, Music Row, and somehow ended up in the city's housing projects. It was the first time that I really felt Southern charm shining through. I've never felt such a small town feeling in a big city, people greet eachother at every block and if you are waiting at a crosswalk, you can guarantee someone will ask how your day is going.

With a stomach starving from shopping and strolling, I stopped in at Burger Republic and ordered myself the 96 Burger. Louis was out at an art exhibit, so the photos are a little less compelling than usual.

Review

Bun: 

Soooooo soft and buttery. None of that Wonder bullshit, this thing is fresh, and was made by somone


who knows what they are doing. It's pure and white and lovely.

Patty:

It's juicy, they've got a touch of bleu cheese which only helps. Char is decent. Flavour is not quite to the level with it.

Cheese:

Some mild bleu, it mingles with the horseradish beautifully adding just the right amount of pungency.

Sauce:

It's a savoury horseradish and garlic mayo. The horseradish is not overpowering and blends very well with the flavours throughout the burger.

Vegetables:

There's nothing green here. Glazed mushrooms and onions. This is a manly, savoury burger, and the vegetables add to the depth. To top it off there are shoestring-cut french fries which adds significant crispy texture.

Bacon:

It's cooked well, but not overly flavourful.

Rating 8.5/10

Burger Republic
6900 Lenox Village Dr. Ste 22
Nashville, Tennessee
http://burgerrepublic.com/

Quincy St. Bistro. St. Louis, MO.

Day 7

Due to the limitations in belly space and digestive time, we were unable to indulge in any chee'burgs

in Kansas City. The KCMO BBQ proved too much of a temptation for us to stay the straight and narrow. We'll have to review two burgs coming up to make up for it.

Missouri proved to be a far better culinary experience than Kansas, the barbecue was divine. Louis became obsessed with a bunch of brick warehouses covered in graffiti known as West Bottoms. I'm sure he is scheming on how to get together a down payment in order to start his single-origin, organic, micro-brewed, trough-to-plate, artisan mustard shop started up. 

After making a stop in Neosho, we crossed the great state of Missouri and ended up in St. Louis. All that driving led to some hunger which led us to order up a couple cheeseburgers at the Quincy St. Bistro. I ordered the Hog Burger.

Review

Bun:

They're working with a crusty kaiser bun here. It's soft in all the right places and has a nice thin crust all over. Mucho gusto.

Patty:

The patty is 60% beef, 40% pork. I have mine cooked medium. There is a hint of char. The patty is moist, however, it could be juicier.

Cheese:

Tons of pimento cheese, finally not Kraft Singles. The cheese has flava', though I wish it was more melty.

Sauce:

Not overly saucy, just some mayo, not a huge dealio with all the cheese on here.

Vegetables:

There is one vegetable, it is onions, it is divine. They say caramelized, but they are not, they haven't developed the sweetness. They are softened, and they, simply put, are goddamned delicious. The little bastards are bursting with flavour. I find myself picking them off my plate after the burger is done. That's a beautiful thang.

Other:

Good service, cozy atmosphere, eclectic music playing.

Rating 8/10

Vista Drive In. Manhattan, KS.

Day 5

Kansas, What the hell!? I don't know how so little got spread over such a large distance. It's kind of


like gold leaf, but with gold replaced with something really mediocre, like Wonder Bread. Wonder bread that stretches 400 miles long.

Breaking up the monotony of a 8 hour drive through nothing (Kansas), and West nothing (Northeastern Colorado) we stopped at the world's largest ball of sisal twine in Cawker City.

Eventually the emptiness of the landscape penetrated to our bellies and we stopped at Vista Hamburgers in Manhattan, KS. I ordered the Royalburger, this is what happened.

Review

Bun:

It's whole wheat, and it's weird. Some light toasty action, but it has a very grainy mouthfeel. As far as flavour goes, it's something, but it's not something good, can't put my finger on it.

Patty:

It stays weird here. There are two patties, or, are there one and a half? 6 oz of beef, must be one 4 oz patty and one 2 oz. On the positive side, it has a nice crust. Other than that it is very greasy and bland, grease pools on the parchment paper.

Cheese:

There's lots of Kraft Singles on it... Again...

Sauce:

Some oddly sweet mayonnaise.

Vegetables:

They're fresh, but they also taste like water. Lame shredded lettuce and a sad tomato.

Other:

Undercooked french fries and discount brand ketchup. Swell.

Rating 3.5/10 The Best Burger in Manhattan,     Kansas....

http://www.vistadrivein.com/

1911 Tuttle Creek Blvd. Manhattan, KS.

Drifter's Hamburgers. Colorado Springs, CO.

Day 4

Lower oxygen concentration seemed to lead to increased alcohol effectiveness. Recovering from a night out in Denver, we took in the sites of the city. Single-origin, cold-brewed, locally-sourced, sustainably-powered, environmentally-friendly coffee shops are on every corner. Beautiful brick buildings with a thousand hip enterprises cover the city.

Leaving late in the day we drove the quick trip South to Colorado Springs, where Nikola Tesla built an experimental lab. Before we ate we swung by The University of Colorado, Colorado Springs in Colorado Springs, Colorado in our Chevy Colorado.

We stopped in at Drifter's Hamburgers and ordered a cheeseburger, Wild Style.

Review

Bun:

The white bun is soft and has some nice chew to it. 

Patty:

The patty is thin and small, it has hints of char, but is otherwise underwhelming. They advertise everywhere in the joint that they use high-quality hormone-free beef. They might be cutting quantity in order to keep a reasonable price. If I were to do this again, I would order at least a double, more likely a triple.

Cheese:

Pretty sure it is a Kraft Single, I have no idea what the American obsession with these is. The feeling of processed cheese coating the sides of your mouth is far from appetizing.

Sauce:

A bit of something like Thousand Island, not really noticeable.

Vegetables:

Waaaaaay too much lettuce, more lettuce than beef, The lettuce was cold and ended up actually sucking a lot of heat out of the burger. The pickles and onions are overpowering and don't mesh well with the burger as a whole. 

Other:

The milkshakes were upside-down thick! Would be way easier to eat with a spoon than a straw.

Rating 4/10

http://driftershamburgers.com/

4455 Mark Dabling Blvd, Colorado Springs, CO.

Park Burger. Denver, CO.

Day 3

After making our way through Idaho, with it's rolling hills and river valley vistas, we ended up in Salt Lake City. A precursory glance of Mormonland gave us the urge to get up and move states so we boogied on over along the US-40 to Denver, Colorado. We literally crossed the Rocky Mountains and the Continental Divide to get us some tasty burgers.

We met up with The Salmonator and his lovely lady and they brought us down to Park Burger.

I ordered myself the Classic Double (2 x 1/4lb patties, cheddar, bacon, and burger sauce)

Bun:

We're working with a white bun, again, we've got some dryness issues here. The texture is killing me

because otherwise this thing is good.

Patty: 

Two beef patties, cooked rare. The meat is juicy all the way through, I could have used it cooked a little more, but that might be my Canadian-ity showing up.

Cheese:

You've got a decent amount of pretty standard cheddar on here.

 Sauce:

She's saucy baby, we've got a creamy thousand island thing goin' on and it's going to be a hot mess.

Vegetables:

They are fresh, and they've got flavour. Lettuce, onions, tomato, pickles. These pickles, hot damn, delish.

Rating 7/10

Humble Burger. Moscow, ID.

Day 2

After Sonic, there was nowhere to go but up. We spent the night in Pullman, Washington, home of the WSU Cougars. Moscow, Idaho, home of the University of Idaho Vandals is just across the border from Pullman. Both the towns are oozing with that small-town Americana feel. 

We stopped in at Humble Burger in downtown Moscow and ordered ourselves a couple Humble Burgers. As the name suggests, this is simplicity and it turned out pretty good.

Review

Bun:

We're working with a nice toasted brioche here, good texture, if a little on the dry side.

Patty:

It's juicy, it's fresh, the most noticeable quality is the excellent browning on the patty, we are talking full Maillard Reaction, baby.

Cheese:

Unfortunately, the cheese got lost in the sauce on this, nothing much added or lost that I could notice.

Sauce: 

There is a mild mayo-based sauce, simple, tastes like a little mustard, a little chili.

Vegetables:

This is what really stands out on this burger. The pickles are gorgeous, bread and butter, so much fresh flavour, they taste homemade. The red onions were slices so thin, they were beautiful. The freshness and quality of the vegetables were a real standout.

Other:

The service from these guys was great, They were super-friendly and non-pretentious, exactly what I want out of a small town burger joint. The fries were also excellent.

Rating 7.5/10

http://humbleburger.com/

102 N Main St., Moscow, ID.

Sonic Drive-In. Ferndale, Wa.

Day 1

Originally, we had planned on focusing on local, or at least regional burger options for review.

However, after being selected for secondary screening at the border and spending a couple of hours standing in line and having our stuff rifled through, we were hangry.

In my mind, Sonic seemed like a reasonable choice, drive-in, huge milkshakes, Americana, the whole bit. To be honest, the drive-in thing made me uncomfortable, it just seemed awkward. Why should I eat a burger in my lap while risking getting food all over my vehicle instead of eating at a table like any other normal civilized human?

We ordered a SONIC Cheeseburger each through the weird drive-in intercom.

Review

Bun: 

The bun was a plain white, Wonder-Bready thing, nothing special.

Patty:

The Patty was dry and flavourless, grey meat.

Cheese:

Processed crap.

Sauce:

This was weird. Every bite seemed to be different, there were some with no sauce, some with pure mustard, and some with a mayo/ketchup mixture. Super inconsistent and the bites without any sauce combined with the Wonder bun and dry meat ended up being nasty dry.

Vegetables:

Wilted shredded iceberg, flavourless tomato slice, no bueno.

Rating 3/10